


aruga

by darkmochecoffee



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Han Seungwoo Centric, Hurt/Comfort, please love x1, they deserve the universe, this is me trying to cope with my pain from seeing x1 previews last night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 16:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21377314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmochecoffee/pseuds/darkmochecoffee
Summary: Seungwoo tries his very hardest to keep his emotions at bay but he’s cracking from the weight of his responsibilities, from the promises he is not sure if he could keep.aruga; filipino. 'to care'
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Han Seungwoo
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	aruga

He’s not new to this - packed airports, camera flashes, the usual mob of fan - they’re all part of his life and he’s long learned to just grit his teeth when it gets overwhelming. _Hold back, hold back, hold back, this too shall pass_

But this time, it’s different. It’s too different. His dreams are crashing and burning before his very eyes and he’s merely watching the ashes slip away like sand through his fingers. He’s been in the industry for seven years but nothing has prepared Seungwoo for this - for the hatred, for the disappointment, for the half baked reassurances he has to tell fifteen year old Dohyon and the rest of the kids’ who rely on him

_Hyung, will it be alright? _

Seungwoo wants to cry but he can’t because he’s leader and weakness isn’t his prerogative, isn’t his right, not when they’re teetering on a dangerous edge and he must be strong enough to protect his members’ innocent dreams.

_We’ll get through this, I promise. _

But it’s too hard, it’s like there’s a disk permanently lodged in his windpipe and he can’t breathe.

They’re in the airport and for the first time, Seungwoo is so terrified. He hears the sneers of reporters amid camera flashes. They’d do anything to get some sort of reaction, Seungwoo knew this so he’d gathered the members the night prior to talk it out.

But nothing would have prepared him for this: for the emptiness on Dohyon’s eyes, for the tears on Minhee’s, for Eunsang’s deadened gaze, for Hyeongjun and Dongpyo who are both too frightened to even hide it. Seungwoo has failed them all and he feels the brunt of his mistakes heavy on his bones.

In the lounge, he watches Yohan and Hangyul and he wants to bow in front of them because he’s so sorry that all of this is happening to them, he’s so sorry that he can’t protect them, he’s so sorry that he’s weak. He can never be like Wooseok who can hold his head high, not even like Seungyoun who managed to look after the children when it was supposedly Seungwoo’s job.

He thinks he’s going into a meltdown.

The flight is uneventful, save for Seungwoo’s scattering wits and his restlessness. When they arrive at the hotel in Bangkok the manager herds them into their rooms. Seungwoo steels himself. He goes to Yohan’s first, asks, “Yohan-ah, how’s your leg? Were you hurt?” Yohan shakes his head, he tries to smile at Seungwoo but Seungwoo could see right through the center’s gaze. He gathers Yohan to his chest, cards his fingers through Yohan’s hair. “I’m sorry. It’ll be alright, I promise.”

“Thank you hyung.”

“Get some rest.”

He checks on the kids and it’s heartbreaking to see Dongpyo and Hyeongjun look so terrified. It’s too early, too early for them to be casualties of their own dreams. Seungwoo puts on his strongest facade, injects the right tone of hope in his words as he tells them promises he could barely believe himself.

It’s worth every pain.

It’s late when he finally enters his own hotel room. Seungwoo is an uncapped wire, one little touch might push him to the very edge of his sanity.

He stares at his reflection, splashes some water on his face and tries to hold it together.

_He really can’t, he really can’t, it’s so hard._

He doesn’t hear when Seungyoun steps into his room, doesn’t hear the knock against the washroom's frosted glass door.

“Hyung?”

Seungwoo inhales then he’s opening the door. “Do you need anything, Seungyoun-ah?”

Seungyoun stares at him without saying anything and it’s here that Seungwoo falls apart. Seungyoun draws Seungwoo to his body.

Seungwoo tries his very hardest to keep his emotions at bay but he’s cracking from the weight of his responsibilities, from the promises he isn’t sure if he could keep.

“Seungwoo hyung, it’s okay.” Seungyoun whispers. “It’ll be alright.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t protect you. I’m sorry I’m so weak.”

The thing is, Seungyoun’s been doing this for nine years. Almost half of his life is dedicated to a series of train wrecks and just as he’s finally found some reprieve it’s all happening again. He’s used to it, he’s won his own series of battles. But it’s nearly not hard enough than what Seungwoo has to go through - what he’s gone through - and Seungyoun hurts from the mere thought of Seungwoo’s pain.

“Hyung, you’ve done everything to protect us.” Seungyoun says and his tone is quiet and uncharacteristically flat. “It’s okay to breathe, it doesn’t make you weak. Seungwoo hyung, just let us protect you this time, let _me_ protect you. Even if it’s not much, even if it doesn’t take away all the pain.”

It meant the world to Seungwoo. “Thank you, Youn-ah.”

“Sleep well for now. We’ll get through this together, tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> i feel so, so, so sad for X1. i don't even know.


End file.
